Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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