I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
BRING THE BAGELS
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
