So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I looked at my own cervix.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
