Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
