i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
