I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
