Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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