Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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