That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
