I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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