we have pet lesbian snakes
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
