You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
