He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
