i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
