Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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