I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
