I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Randomize
