and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
