Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
