last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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