Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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