He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
