so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
