she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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