So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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