I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Randomize
