I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
