so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
