mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize
