$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
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