This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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