Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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