Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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