Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
