Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
