shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I don't want my vagina anymore.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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