She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
