I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Randomize
