just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
