If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
