Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
