Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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