All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
