Farmville is her only friend.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I love you. Go after that dick
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
