do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I want to fling myself into the sun
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
