God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
