I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
