A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
