they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
