I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Randomize
