OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Floor bacon is actually really good
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
