I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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