You just made me feel so damn special
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm like, not good at living.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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