Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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