I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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