im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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