Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize