I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
