This is not my ceiling
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Someone shattered a urinal.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
