can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize