Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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