didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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