I murdered the dance floor call the cops
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
