I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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