After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
