for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
