there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
