Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
