A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
