Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
